another interview

i think i blew that interview. the interview itself went alright. when the guy interviewing me came, we moved over to another couch directly next to the couch i first sat on when i was waiting for him, so i didn't really have to move that far over to sit down. i stepped to the side to sit on the couch next to me and he seemed so cautious about my mobility and ability to move around, so he asked if i was alright because a person really shouldn't assume things about other people. i said, "heh.. yeah, i'm fine.." then we had the interview and it went fine, of course with my luck i can't have things work out for me.. so i paged my lyft ride using the app and waited for like 5-10 minutes for it to come, it came and i stepped off the curb when i was getting into the vehicle and i expected the driver to take my bag since it's so damn heavy but he seemed confused at taking the iniative to help me adequately on his own and i think i may have got frustrated with his ignorance, even when asking him, "can you take this?" and he said, "what?" then i fell while putting the bag in the vehicle but i was so close to the vehicle, i just managed to fall on the seat. i'm not sure if the hotel i just interviewed with seen what was going on, knowing my luck- they did, because it was on the street right aside from their hotel. whatever. i didn't get hurt but i ruined things if they seen and assume i fall often and they don't wanna deal with that. if amanda assumes courage kenny will help me with this- I HAVE TO REMIND HER NEGLIGENT ENTITLED ASS THAT I ALREADY ATTENDED THERE FOR PROBABLY AT LEAST 5 YEARS AND THEY SHOULD HAVE WORKED ON PREVENTING FALLING BY THEN. SHOWS YOU THE LACK OF QUALITY IN THEIR SERVICES. you can attempt to fuckin gaslight all you want but i KNOW i've already attended that pointless waste of time and the ONLY REAL help i received was from tram holloway because my grandma found him and he told her he'd have me outta my wheelchair and :o I DON'T EVEN OWN A WHEELCHAIR ANYMORE! i'm NOT going back to using one just to make my careless sad excuse of a family appear "caring" because they're shitty ass people other than looking to take advantage of their family members disabilities to make them appear "caring" when they can't EVEN ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE WHEN THE EMERGENCY ROOM CALLS THEM. after that- I KNOW THAT I CAN'T COUNT ON YOU FOR SHIT. joe was the only family member who actually answers the phone. other than my mom- who just starts immediately bawling for attention as soon as i tell her where i am. so, needless to say- I DON'T CALL MY MOM IN EMERGENCIES ANYMORE. crying about shit WON'T help. it's not gonna get me out of the emergency room or erase any pain i'm going through. so just sit the fuck down and go back to your entitled, carefree life- your assistance isn't needed, my grandma was obviously just desperate to find the most responsible person she could think of. she forgot to consider if they'd be understanding and dependant.. both of which you are NOT. if it doesn't benefit you in any way- IT'S A BAD IDEA. pretty damn sad when you get that impression from someone who is supposedly SUPPOSED to "advocate" for you. God is letting me see exactly how much my family doesn't give a damn about me. thanks a lot. except joe- he's the ONLY one who actually cares enough to see me (i take that back somewhat- debbie and rene DID come to see me and take me out for dinner once when i lived in burnsville) and answer the damn phone when and if i call him. it's not like he gets calls from me every day or frequently.. amanda just can't be there for anyone or anything that doesn't benefit her. i just hope that no one from the hotel i interviewed at today seen my difficulty in getting in the vehicle but i think i may have seen someone looking at me while they were inside the hotel and i was getting into the lyft vehicle. i refuse to work at home also since i can't stay motivated or satisfied with at home jobs.. so get that shit outta your head.